Blog Posts

Beyond Mr. Spock & Logic

1/3/2023

Conjecture

When we see somebody like Brittany Griner ---- she is NOT HETEROSEXUAL and she doesn't look like the majority of women ---
- yet she is a woman --- I don't think we need to take it PERSONALLY OR AS INSULT that people are CONFUSED.
- I also don't think we have to DENY REALITY either.

People are coming in a lot of "PACKAGES" that people are NOT EXPECTING and especially given some of our SEXUAL STEREOTYPES and STEREOTYPES IN GENERAL

What I'm wanting to consider is that NEURO-DIVERSE HETERO-SEXUAL male or female who may be a little more EXTREME and what I'm wanting to throw out there are:
- LANGUAGE ABILITIES,
- LOGIC ABILITIES and
- VISUAL-SPATIAL THINKING.

Feminists of the 1970s were an INTENSE BREED and most sad to me was that they were relying on some guy to VALIDATE THEM (to say they were "EQUAL") and what they valued were GUY THINGS.
- I can do anything you can do better.

This is NOT NECESSARILY GOING WHERE YOU THINK IT IS.

Things are NOT ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Through a big part of human history --- women haven't been taught to read ---
- Not all girls and women --- but many to most are better readers than boys and men.

When we think about VERBAL LANGUAGE certainly ---
- a lot of information is being conveyed by TONE
- what is regulating that TONE is often some type of EMOTIONAL RESPONSE to INFORMATION and/or the ENVIRONMENT.

Further, some Mental Health Apps are trying to key off of TONE OF VOICE as an indicator of mental health issues ---
- and at least one study suggests that most arguments are more about TONE OF VOICE than SUBSTANCE.

Historically, we've thought that people who were VERY EMOTIONAL were VERY ILLOGICAL --
- Women have been hit with this a lot --
- But some men, too

Further, if you start equating being UNEMOTIONAL with being LOGICAL which we do ----
- We have a tendency to SKIP the LOGIC Part and just try to appear UNEMOTIONAL.

What I'm trying to get at is --- I don't think EMOTIONAL EQUATES TO ILLOGICAL.

WHAT ELSE AM I TRYING TO GET AT?
- I do think EMOTION is a little like FIRE
  - Is it a good thing or a bad thing ---
    - IT DEPENDS

I don't think it is any accident that we sometimes refer to people with "mental illness" as being "TOUCHED BY FIRE."
- Further, a lot of people with Neuro-Developmental Disorders got that "GIFTED LABEL" before that LATE DIAGNOSIS

We used to use the word MATHEMATICS --- but in the US --- it's MATH
- In Britain --- it's "MATHS"
  - and I've come to think that is IMPORTANT.
  - For me personally, ALGEBRA does help with REASONING --- but it is not the only TOOL I'm using.

To me, LOGIC is something that you practice in BOTH LANGUAGE and MATHEMATICS.

EMOTION is NOT SYNONYMOUS with EITHER LOGIC or ILLOGIC
- Emotion is part of the REASONING PROCESS
- Generally, NOT ALWAYS ---
  - Females can take on MORE EMOTION than Males ---
    - Before things start to really go off the RAILS ---
    - BUT that's NOT UNLIMITED

To me, we all have to be CAREFUL with EMOTIONAL OVERWHELM and the threshhold for some men is less than for some women.

Brittany Griner
Photo Credit: Wall Street Journal

The ICON of UNEMOTIONAL RATIONALITY & LOGIC ---

Mr. Spock from the Star Trek TV Series 1966-1969

I don't really have a problem with someone wanting to pair UNEMOTIONAL DEMEANOR with LOGIC ---
What I really have a problem with is--- putting on a FACADE of UNEMOTIONALITY and FORGETTING THE LOGIC.

On the other hand --- I don't particularly like to deal with people who are IMPLODING or EXPLODING --- although if there is some LOGIC (there often isn't) --- I'll try to work through it with you.

BOTTOM LINE: I'm probably more LOGICAL than you are --- If pushed --- I will prove it.

I used to be TOO POLITE to point that out --- I'm not anymore.

Especially for people who were supposed to be on my TEAM

I don't think it is just NEURO-DIVERSE Wpmen who are often TOO POLITE ---

for a lot of Neuro-Diverse people POLITENESS was an UNCONSCIOUS COMPENSATORY STRATEGY for Executive Functioning Challenges.
I think we need to get EDUCATED & HONEST about our EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES ---
- And stop putting up with people walking all over us.

1970s Feminism Timeline

Gostudylink.com
Women Are Better Language Learners

SlideServe

Mayo Clinic
Emotional Exhuastion

This represents a lot of FRUSTRATION over DECADES ----
BUT the Truth is during most of that time I DID NOT KNOW I had Executive Functioning Differences ---

What I did know was that I had Substantive Abilities that were often above those around me.

FURTHER

These people that I am SO FRUSTRATED WITH ---
If the TRUTH be told --- often were contending with their own Neuro-Diversity.

The Double Blind, Triple Secret Gaslight

12/11/2022

When we think about this kind of "GASLIGHTING" we're often talking about some kind of DUPLICITY --- and that is it's own FEAR-BASED PATHOLOGY.

What I'm wanting to talk about is I think something that is more COMMON and more HONEST but nonetheless PROBLEMATIC among Neuro-Diverse People:

Ramped Up Stress Responses
Catastrophizing
Emotional Intensity
NOT being duped by the crazy ideas of the other person
BUT those crazy ideas are the GASLIGHT to your own ramped exaggerated concerns about the other person.

THIS CAN BE A DOWNWARD SPIRAL.

I'm not saying there aren't dangerous situations out there --- there are --- we need to deal with them.

BUT sometimes what is happening is situations are being WORSENED by our own STRESS RESPONSES that are HARMING our OVERALL HEALTH and our OVERALL ABILITY TO PROBLEM-SOLVE.

Some people worry about MONEY, LOVE, the WEATHER, POLITICS, their KIDS, and/or GRANDKIDS, etc.

I remember my maternal grandmother saying, "YOU'RE GOING TO WORRY ME TO DEATH" -- if one of the grand-kids was doing something that was a little questionable.

Ignoring something wasn't necessarily the right response --
Getting "worried to death" probably isn't either.

For people who are Neuro-Diverse with ramped up STRESS RESPONSES -----our ATTACHMENT STYLES and RAMPED UP CONFLICT STYLES can be PROBLEMATIC just as in other cases they can be BENEFICIAL.

Attachment Styles Viewed Through the Biological Drivers of Sensory Overload & Anxiety

AND you add on to all of this EMOTIONAL INTENSITY --- that can include Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria ---- and you have the DOUBLE BLIND, TRIPLE SECRET GASLIGHT.

ADHD, Reciprocity, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria and Differences in Intensity

Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman in Gaslight (1944)

"Gaslighting" has entered the lexicon deriving from "the title of the 1944 American film Gaslight, though the term did not gain popular currency in English until the mid-2010s.

The term may also be used to describe a person (a "gaslighter") who presents a false narrative to another group or person, thereby leading them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed.
Oftentimes this is for the gaslighter's own benefit.
Normally, this dynamic is possible only when the audience is vulnerable, such as in unequal power relationships, or fearful of the losses associated with challenging the false narrative. (Wikipedia)

To me what is HILARIOUS --- is there is this Australian Engineer with Autism on YouTube who is giving some of the best relationship advice out there.

A big insight I think that Paul Micallef has is to SOLVE PROBLEMS "SOON" --- but not necessarily immediately.

I tend to get so stressed out --- that I used to think things had to be solved immediately:

Unfortunately, my ramped up stress response could ramp up the other person and OVERWHELM them with ANXIETY---PANIC
which would lead to my own PANIC
and it didn't necessarily lead to anything getting resolved.

3 Tips for Neurodivergent Marriages --- (Is Your Partner Autistic? ADHD? Neurotypical?!?)

Solve Problems Soon
Set Your Partner Up for Success
Focus on What You Can Control (Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First)

How We Unwittingly Put Ourselves & Others in Catch-22s

9/13/2022

Slow Processing, Time Management Issues, Unrealistic Expectations & Ramped Up Stress Responses

Conjecture

Asynchronous people with Slow Processing are going to be in a WORLD OF HURT if they don't recognize some IDIOSYNCRATIC Time Management Challenges.

Ideally, parents and teachers are aware of idiosyncratic time management challenges for the "EXCEPTIONALITIES."

But we're just starting to appreciate these issues from an occupational therapy standpoint ---
The reality is most kids & adults are on their own.

There can be a lot of "CRASH & BURN" --- especially when these ASYNCHRONOUS KIDS become ADULTS and they don't have the EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING SUPPORT that was being provided by their families.

TOUGH LOVE is probably the WRONG PRESCRIPTION in most cases where we're dealing with a NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFERENCE such as ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia and or "Giftedness"/Asynchrony.

We now understand that there are SERIOUS CONCERNS when people are accumulating a COMPOUNDING "SLEEP DEBT" ---

I would submit there are SERIOUS HEALTH CONCERNS when we're accumulating a COMPOUNDING "TIME DEBT."
- and this is what is a contributing factor to NEURO-DIVERSE BURNOUT &/or BREAK-DOWN.

Gilbert Supporters of the Gifted

Now what is particularly UNHELPFUL is for us or the people in our lives to say:

"If you really cared/ were responsible or loved me --- YOU/WE WOULDN'T HAVE THESE CHALLENGES." --- OR
YOU'RE AN IDIOT

By and large, a lot of taking this personally and failing to recognize STRENGTHS ---

goes away when we recognize the NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING DIFFERENCES --- AND
THE ASYNCHRONY

Now most us want this kind of "FORBEARANCE" and Understanding --- BUT we're not particularly good at giving it.

The more the NUTS & BOLTS of Occupational Therapy approaches to Executive Functioning Issues and Asynchrony are developed and understood in the Society ---

the easier it will be for Individuals, Families, Employers and the Society at large.

Occupational Therapy & Executive Functions

Image Credit: St. Catherine University ---
Val's Take: Traditional "Therapy" has an important place in the TOOL KIT --- But we're often missing "OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY."

Significant private and public resources are WASTED by not addressing Executive Functioning Issues from an OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY PERSPECTIVE.

Neuro-Diverse Relationships are Hard Work--- You Are Carrying A Heavy Load for An Ignorant Society

9/5/2022

Conjecture

LGBTQ+ and Heterosexuality are often (not always) something you are aware of from a young age.
- I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I was HETEROSEXUAL --- I can remember at 3 having a crush on the 4-year neighbor boy and and he was paying much more attention to Lissa --- I'm still working on forgiving Lissa.
  - Now, like a lot of things --- not everybody may fit this mold.

When we talk about Neuro-Diversity we're talking about a mix of HETEROSEXUAL and LGBTQ+ folks who UNLIKE THEIR SEXUALITY ----
- Came to find out about their NEURO-DIVERSITY --- sometimes not until they were ADULTS.
  - Many people don't have a LABEL or a CATEGORY however imperfect to try understand the perplexing mix of often HIGH SUBSTANTIVE STRENGTHS and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES.

Further, the Society and Our Mental Health Profession aren't very good at understanding NEURO-DIVERSITY either.
- Progress is being made -- slowly.
- Everyone's doing the best they can --- but I'm pretty pissed about being asked to "PAY OUT OF NETWORK" for the STANDARD OF CARE THAT IS REALLY OUT THERE.*

For Neuro-Diverse people, Families and the Societies it's coming to EMBRACE both the HIGH STRENGTHS --- AND --- THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES.
- It has IMPLICATIONS in BOTH AREAS.
- Further, it has IDIOSYNCRATIC IMPLICATIONS in both areas.

If we're not BUDGETING THE TIME & ENERGY to UNDERSTAND --- AND ---- ACCOMMODATE/WORK AROUND these IDIOSYNCRATIC DIFFERENCES ---
- We will be sorry.

The more we are able to do this as a SOCIETY, get some ROUGH TEMPLATES to address HIGH STRENGTHS and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CHALLENGES--- the easier this is going to be for everyone.

Neurodivergent Rebel
Setting & Maintaining Boundaries when You are Autistic or Neurodivergent

[Now, I think "BOUNDARIES" are important for understanding the CONTOURS of Solutions --- to get to 3rd Alternatives.

Further, if you're in a Relationship and you are Neuro-Diverse --- I think there is a high likelihood that the other person is also Neuro-Diverse --- and they will be wanting/needing to set their own idiosyncratic boundaries.

I don't think this is just about Neuro-Typical vs. Neuro-Diverse.

Understanding Physical & Emotional Limits

8/24/2022

I think the first thing to understand is that we all have physical and emotional limits.

Further, they are not the same.

What one person finds REJUVENATING is the next person's STRESS NIGHTMARE.

Understanding a spouse, child, family member or friend's "LIMITS" ---- helps us from taking things "PERSONALLY."
- The other side of that is that taking things "PERSONALLY" is often what motivates us to figure things out.

When it comes to PHYSICAL & EMOTIONAL LIMITS in Neuro-Diversity ---- that is extremely COMPLICATED.
- There are VISUAL CUES but they are not necessarily what we're expecting --- sometimes they are.
- Further, it is not just "OTHERS" that find this COMPLICATED --- it is the person themselves.

For Neuro-Diverse Couples, Spouses, Families --- once you can start to recognize some IDIOSYNCRATIC ENERGY and EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING DIFFERENCES ---

It's not necessarily that big a deal.
BUT if you don't make some relationship ACCOMMODATIONS & WORK-AROUNDS --
- it can certainly become a big deal and likely will become a big deal.

The "FAMILY" is the Foundation of Society and whether its your BIOLOGICAL FAMILY or a CHOSEN FAMILY --- you and they are getting a BACKSTAGE PASS to Human Reality.

A challenging thing is making ACCOMMODATIONS and WORK-AROUNDS for others
And an even SCARIER thing is asking for those ACCOMMODATIONS and WORK-AROUNDS.

"Religion is for Those Who Don't Want to Go to Hell --- Spirituality is for Those Who Have Been There"

8/14/2022

For some Neuro-Diverse people the way we were going to manage that RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSE was --- we were going to be PERFECT and the people around us we're going to be PERFECT.

Not only were we not PERFECT BUT a lot of the things we were were doing were BURNING OURSELVES and THOSE AROUND US OUT.

Also ---- WE'RE UNCONSCIOUSLY BREAKING OURSELVES and OTHERS down with PARTIAL ONE-SIDED VIEWS of our own and others' STRENGTHS and WEAKNESSES.

In fairness, it takes ENERGY to deal with this much more complicated reality of ourselves and others --- especially, when we don't generally have all the information we need to SMOOTHLY navigate all this.

We're born into the MIDDLE of A STORY ---

We try to figure it out as fast as we can ---
AND we don't see the end.

I was listening to the interview of a woman who was a member of the Mother Emanuel Church in Charleston and she said ----"If I bet on love ---I may suffer but I'm not going to lose."

Bringing Religion in from the Cold

Brene Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

Relationships are "PERSONAL" --- BUT Many of the Drivers are "IMPERSONAL"

Especially in the world today --- looking at Neuro-Developmental Differences, Psychiatric Disorders and Substance Issues ----
- That's not just affecting a HANDFUL OF PEOPLE --- It's affecting MILLIONS and probably over a BILLION PEOPLE.
  - In the US --- low grade inflammation is the NORM

In some ways --- IF WE CAN SURVIVE IT --- Neuro-Developmental Differences may be the ANTIDOTE to the ME GENERATION
- Just as Climate Change is FORCING A RECKONING on the ENVIRONMENTAL LEVEL.

With Genetics, Epigenetics, Developmental Inflammation and Inflammation Acquired During the Lifetime ----
- That is pushing PRECISION MEDICINE.

It's also pushing an understanding of HISTORY, of Issues that stand out like GENERATIONAL TRAUMA, but also AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASE and perhaps uncovering long-term biological challenges in the move away from AGRICULTURAL SOCIETIES --
- that weren't perfect either.

Ramped Up Stress Responses Often Lead to Control Freaks

8/7/2022

I think "Controlling Behavior" is a big deal for most people whether ---

They are primarily Abstract Thinkers or
Are Very Concrete or
Have a MIX

To me, it is a lot about RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSES.

To illustrate --- Controlling Behavior from more CONCRETE THINKERS.

So I'm starting to get "BACK OUT THERE" and start hanging out at the equivalent of Neuro-Diverse Singles Bars without any ALCOHOL (generally) -

BUT plenty of PATTERNS
I'm speaking of various forms of CHOREOGRAPHED DANCING.

So I am in some ways like Frank James --- a big time ABSTRACT THINKER ---

But CHOREOGRAPHED SOCIAL DANCING doesn't just attract ABSTRACT THINKERS -

it also attracts a lot of ENGINEERS and COMPUTER GUYS, etc.

See James is under the MISAPPREHENSION that ABSTRACT THINKERS are the most CONTROLLING because he so in his head.

So am I.

BUT it is really the CONCRETE THINKERS who are telling everyone what to do.

The ABSTRACT THINKERS are keeping it to themselves and quietly imploding ---
AND the MIX are trying to APPROPRIATELY ASSERTIVELY COMMUNICATE.

So I'm at one of these dances last night and some of this stuff has been rubbing me the wrong way

The sort of "TEACHER" attitude ---
- I don't mind if you are the "TEACHER" but if NOT --- ZIP IT.

When I say "TEACHER" attitude I'm referring to both CORRECTION and trying to "CONTROL" through praise.

I don't mind a well-intentioned correction or the nice compliment --- BUT I'm not looking for a pat on the head and some of these guys are just trying to correct everybody.

Kinda like I try to correct everyone on this website.

If I sound ultra sensitive -- that's because I am.

Anyway I'm at one of these dances the other night and this nice older gentleman asks me my name -- Val and its short for VALERIE.
- Well, he precedes to tell me that Valerie is much prettier and that's what I should go by.
- "DO I KNOW YOU?"
- AND even if I did know you . . . really?

"CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" is something that most of us do ----

AND you can get out of "HOMEOSTASIS" or some kind of BALANCE.
If your STRESS RESPONSE is RAMPED UP ---
- may be getting out of "HOMEOSTASIS" or that Aristotelian Mean -- more than you realize
  - Especially, if the CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR is CALMING YOU.

I think that is the problem with "CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" --- it's really about trying to CALM the person exercising the CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR.

And people with RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSES are often looking to CALM THEMSELVES.

I love this IDEA that "AWARENESS" can make things "BETTER ALREADY."

Frank James --- ABSTRACT THINKER that he is --- ends his meditation on "INFJs" and Controlling Behavior with "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE."

If that doesn't feel appropriate maybe "UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD" for ourselves and others ---
AND at least trying to get some AWARENESS of "CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" that I think can be pretty common BUT comes in a lot of different guises.

LIKE THIS BLOG.

*Myers-Brigg is popular BUT a lot of studies have found it -- "meaningless."

I think it gives people a vocabulary to discuss "personality" traits --- in some ways not unlike the DSM --- although we're putting a lot more "FAITH" in the DSM.

So this is PROBLEMATIC ---- people do need a VOCABULARY/DICTIONARY even if it is an IMPERFECT one.

BUT from a LEGAL, ETHICAL and MORAL standpoint we wouldn't use Myers-Brigg in the CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM --- and we really shouldn't be using DSM CATEGORIES either.

THAT IS HUGELY PROBLEMATIC --- But a Public Health Approach to Criminal Justice could sure help.

Mommy and Daddy Issues in Neuro-Diversity--- Recognizing Different Patterns

8/7/2022

Conjecture

One of the things that we tend to do over the course of a LIFETIME is recognize PATTERNS in RELATIONSHIPS.
We also are sometimes/generally forced to recognize where those PATTERNS are NOT THE SAME.

I didn't grow up in a family with traditional sexual stereotypes ---

My Parents encouraged us to do what we wanted to do.
Both my parents were neat freaks --- and my Dad especially ---
- There was going to be ORDER IN THAT HOUSE--- he was very nice about it and he really didn't mind doing it himself --- BUT there was going to be ORDER IN THAT HOUSE.

What I did grow up with and what I think most people grow up with is "INTELLIGENCE STEREOTYPES."

"A Cluttered Desk is a Cluttered Mind" --- which was said with a SENSE of HUMOR and there weren't going to be any cluttered desks or kitchen tables if my Dad was around.

I didn't just wake up one day and become CHRONICALLY DISORGANIZED --- it's been a pretty constant feature ---

BUT because I did well in School
And SCHOOL sometimes favors the STRENGTHS of GIRLS---
It wasn't perceived to be a huge problem --- and I think my parents thought I would grow out of it.
Unfortunately for me, I did so well in school that I picked a PROFESSION in which ORGANIZATION is a BIG COMPONENT.
- So that takes a lot out of me.

For my generation --- it was so much about getting that EDUCATION and there was little thought about how all of this was going to work out into a COHERENT WHOLE.

That's a lot less true today.
If you got that EDUCATION --
- It meant you were "SMART"
- and it was going to work out.

Jennifer Lopez
Ain't Your Mama

Helen Reddy --- "I Am Woman" (1971)
(I was 8 years old in 1971)

I CANNOT DO ANYTHING or EVERYTHING. If I try to do EVERYTHING --- I WILL BURNOUT and/or BREAKDOWN.

Further, because my SENSORY PROCESSING is SO RAMPED UP it takes me more time to PROCESS all that ---

I think I generally get a better answer.
But it is taking MORE TIME.

Additionally, especially when it comes to being a HETEROSEXUAL WOMAN with a FAMILY& NEURO-DIVERSE ---

You can really be perceived as an ODDBALL.
AND this Society is definitely NOT SET UP FOR YOU.

HOW THIS TURNED INTO A NIGHTMARE:

Both Sides Now

I think this does have a lot to do with RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSES and why so many Neuro-Diverse people struggle in RELATIONSHIPS.

Maybe Neuro-Typical people are struggling too and are Stressed BUT
Thankfully have not reached that NEURO-DIVERSE STRESS THRESHOLD.

ASYNCHRONY, INTEGRATIVE THINKING & THE NEED FOR A "THIRD ALTERNATIVE"

7/31/2022

Conjecture

Neuro-Diverse people often have ASYNCHRONOUS DEVELOPMENT
- they often have BIG STRENGTHS and
- BIG CHALLENGES

Our SYSTEMS are not really set up to deal with the VARIETY and INDIVIDUALITY that's out there.

CATEGORIES help us DEAL WITH the COMPLEXITY of VARIETY & INDIVIDUALITY --
- The BIG PROBLEM we have now in MENTAL HEALTH is that the CATEGORIES in the DSM are NOT ACCURATE.
- "CATEGORIES" are a kind of PARADIGM.
- AND if they are "WRONG" it matters a lot.
- History of SCIENCE and INTELLECTUAL HISTORY are PUNCTUATED by "PARADIGM SHIFTS."

Thomas Kuhn

So this is a Blog about "RELATIONSHIPS" --- why am I talking about big SOCIETAL PARADIGMS?

Because as INDIVIDUALS or for that matter as PROFESSIONALS we're bringing those SOCIETAL PARADIGMS to the TABLE ----- CONSCIOUSLY, SEMI-CONSCIOUSLY and UNCONSCIOUSLY.

If my "PARADIGMS" don't include "ASYNCHRONOUS DEVELOPMENT" --- I may be in for a RUDE AWAKENING on multiple fronts --- including:

my Spouse
my Kids, and
myself

Further, there may be SIMILARITIES --- But that "ASYNCHRONOUS DEVELOPMENT" can play out very differently even in the SAME FAMILY.

Further, IDENTIFYING with a group or groups --- FEELS SAFE BUT it can actually prevent us from coming to terms with our own INDIVIDUALITY and that of others.

Steven Morgan: Soteria Vermont Project Manager

Addresses the Knowledge Challenges that are plaguing Mental Health.

Deborah Tannen: Professor of Linguistics at Georgetown University, Author & Communication Expert

Deborah Tannen

Helen Keller

Thomas Kuhn: The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1962)

Mom & School Psychologist Cait Curley

Asynchronous Development and The Gifted Child

I truly believe that if more people understood the concept of asynchronous development, and began to think of giftedness as asynchrony, many of the gifted myths would be dispelled.

Gifted students would no longer be equated with high achievers.

People would realize that gifted children do not have it easy and that they are not easy to raise.

The term twice-exceptional would make sense to more people.

People would begin to understand that these asynchronous children have unique and special needs.

Rather than being viewed as elitist, gifted support would be seen as a necessary part of a child’s development.

Intellectually, they need to be with peers with whom they can relate.

Roger Martin --- Professor Emeritus of University of Toronto School of Management --- popularizer of "INTEGRATIVE THINKING" --- See Thinking About Thinking

I'd like to see ---

"INTEGRATIVE THINKING" used to Solve "Wicked Problems" like Relationships & Societal Integration for Neuro-Diverse ASYNCHRONOUS People

Stephen Covey

Stephen Covey --- Author of the hugely successful 7 Habits of Highly Effective People --- that was marketed as BUSINESS MANAGEMENT -- and was a lot about FAMILIES.

"A third alternative moves beyond your way or my way to a higher and better way—one that allows both parties to emerge from debate or even heated conflict in a far better place than either had envisioned. "

----The 3rd Alternative: Solving Life's Most Difficult Problems

You Don't Know, What You Don't Know --- But You Can Keep Learning

7/20/2022

Conjecture

Let's just say I don't think it is necessarily easy to deal with NEURO-DIVERSITY as a parent --- BUT it can be a lot easier than as a SPOUSE or even as an INDIVIDUAL.
- Ironically, we often do make BETTER DECISIONS for others than we do for ourselves.
- Further, if a kid or a spouse feels REJECTED --- they are NOT going to be very open to any SUGGESTIONS.
- Even further, if I feel REJECTED --- I'm not going to be very open to SUGGESTIONS.
- Finally, if the person who is making the SUGGESTIONS doesn't really understand THE LIMITATION or CHALLENGE---
  - The SUGGESTIONS are probably NOT going to be very good.

When I say NEURO-DIVERSITY I'm referring to ADHD, Autism, Dyslexia, Giftedness, OCD, etc.

So generally, these issues are NOT implicating the BIG --- Danger to Self or Others Concerns.
- Although, some people with serious impulsiveness issues can implicate these concerns.

University of Texas School of Business
Group Think

What NEURO-DIVERSITY is really implicating are our GROUP THINK IDEAS about what is REASONABLE when it comes to:
- Short Term Memory
- Organization
- Emotional Regulation
- For some people READING
- Fatigue
- Etc.

I think we need to adopt DEMING'S approach to "MANAGEMENT"--
- DRIVE OUT FEAR, and
- GO FOR CONTINUOUS IMPROVEMENT

If there is a real SAFETY CONCERN --- by all means address it.

BUT I think in many cases, the issues are EXACERBATED because we don't think any "REASONABLE PERSON" could have the EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING ISSUES that MILLIONS of smart people with NEURO-DEVELOPMENTAL DIFFERENCES in fact have.

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blackgirllostkeys.com

Beyond Mr. Spock & Logic

The Double Blind, Triple Secret Gaslight

How We Unwittingly Put Ourselves & Others in Catch-22s

Neuro-Diverse Relationships are Hard Work--- You Are Carrying A Heavy Load for An Ignorant Society

Understanding Physical & Emotional Limits

"Religion is for Those Who Don't Want to Go to Hell --- Spirituality is for Those Who Have Been There"

Ramped Up Stress Responses Often Lead to Control Freaks

Mommy and Daddy Issues in Neuro-Diversity--- Recognizing Different Patterns

ASYNCHRONY, INTEGRATIVE THINKING & THE NEED FOR A "THIRD ALTERNATIVE"

You Don't Know, What You Don't Know --- But You Can Keep Learning

Translational Love, Relationships & Neuro-Diversity Saturday

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