DUELing anxieties --- "understanding brings calm"

Val's Take/Conjecture

• There's a lot of "Do As I Say, Not As I Do" in this.
• So in relationships with spouses/partners and kids --
  • Everyone may be fairly "HIGH ANXIETY" and fairly "INTENSE"
    • But the STYLE, can be very different from SHUTDOWNS to MELTDOWNS and various COMBINATIONS.
• Often we're asking someone to CHANGE something that is not going to be very easy for that person to change or they are asking us to CHANGE something that is not going to be very easy to change.
  • Whatever the issue is, we may have to move from TRY HARDER to TRY SMARTER.
  • Further, we probably need to just anticipate that we're needing to work on "THIRD ALTERNATIVES" that reasonably take into account everyone's needs.
• So Lightheartedness and Humor can help a lot.  Having been on both sides of this, we need to be careful that someone isn't laughing on the outside and crying on the inside.
• AND it's surprising how often INTENSE folks might welcome a break and a chance to RELAX.
  

• Finally, we do generally appreciate "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE" with it comes to kids.
• We're a little more "TRANSACTIONAL" when it comes to our romantic partners and spouses.
• Neuro-Diverse folks are probably going to face SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUES and BEHAVIOR CHANGES --- sooner than most just because we are often carrying a heavier INFLAMMATORY LOAD (even though we often didn't know it at the time).
  • We're on the cusp of being able to screen for issues we haven't been able to screen for in the past.
    

Understood

ADHD, Dyslexia Advice for Kids: Try Smarter, Not Try Harder

Understood.org

Guidance for 2e Kids & Adults

Julie Skolnick --- Understandingbringscalm.com

Cont.

• These very serious health issues are hard for the person to deal with much less their spouse.
• I was very lucky that in 2006 when I had a psychotic break --- Rick knew what to do.
• When Rick was having his annoying cough --- I didn't know what to do and it would be years until he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer and numerous brain lesions.
• We were quite a pair and took considerable comfort in the bickering older couples on "Midsomer Murders."
• Further, it is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE and HUMOR that help get us through some TOUGH TIMES.
• In the words of our daughter, "We all need a little MERCY & GRACE."