Ramped Up Stress Responses Often Lead to Control Freaks

I think "Controlling Behavior" is a big deal for most people whether ---

• They are primarily Abstract Thinkers or
• Are Very Concrete or
• Have a MIX

 
To me, it is a lot about RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSES.

 
To illustrate --- Controlling Behavior from more CONCRETE THINKERS.

 
So I'm starting to get "BACK OUT THERE" and start hanging out at the equivalent of Neuro-Diverse Singles Bars without any ALCOHOL (generally) -

• BUT plenty of PATTERNS
• I'm speaking of various forms of CHOREOGRAPHED DANCING.

 
So I am in some ways like Frank James --- a big time ABSTRACT THINKER  ---

 
But CHOREOGRAPHED SOCIAL DANCING doesn't just attract ABSTRACT THINKERS -

• it also attracts a lot of ENGINEERS and COMPUTER GUYS, etc.

 
See James is under the MISAPPREHENSION that ABSTRACT THINKERS are the most CONTROLLING because he so in his head.

• So am I.

 
BUT it is really the CONCRETE THINKERS who are telling everyone what to do.

• The ABSTRACT THINKERS are keeping it to themselves and quietly imploding ---
• AND the MIX are trying to APPROPRIATELY ASSERTIVELY COMMUNICATE.

 
So I'm at one of these dances last night and some of this stuff has been rubbing me the wrong way

• The sort of "TEACHER" attitude ---
  • I don't mind if you are the "TEACHER" but if NOT --- ZIP IT.

When I say "TEACHER" attitude I'm referring to both CORRECTION and trying to "CONTROL" through praise.

I don't mind a well-intentioned correction or the  nice compliment --- BUT I'm not looking for a pat on the head and some of these guys are just trying to correct everybody. 

• Kinda like I try to correct everyone on this website.

 

• If I sound ultra sensitive -- that's because I am.

 

• Anyway I'm at one of these dances the other night and this nice older gentleman asks me my name -- Val and its short for VALERIE.
  • Well, he precedes to tell me that Valerie is much prettier and that's what I should go by.
  • "DO I KNOW YOU?"
  • AND even if I did know you . . . really?

"CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" is something that most of us do ----

• AND you can get out of "HOMEOSTASIS" or some kind of BALANCE.
• If your STRESS RESPONSE is RAMPED UP ---
  •  may be getting out of "HOMEOSTASIS" or that Aristotelian Mean -- more than you realize
    • Especially, if the CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR is CALMING YOU.
      

I think that is the problem with "CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" --- it's really about trying to CALM the person exercising the CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR.

• And people with RAMPED UP STRESS RESPONSES are often looking to CALM THEMSELVES.

I love this IDEA that "AWARENESS" can make things "BETTER ALREADY."

Frank James --- ABSTRACT THINKER that he is --- ends his meditation on "INFJs" and Controlling Behavior with "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE."

• If that doesn't feel appropriate maybe "UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD" for ourselves and others ---
• AND at least trying to get some AWARENESS of "CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR" that I think can be pretty common BUT comes in a lot of different guises.

LIKE THIS BLOG.

*Myers-Brigg is popular BUT a lot of studies have found it -- "meaningless." 

I think it gives people a vocabulary to discuss "personality" traits --- in some ways not unlike the DSM --- although we're putting a lot more "FAITH" in the DSM.

So this is PROBLEMATIC ---- people do need a VOCABULARY/DICTIONARY even if it is an IMPERFECT one.

BUT from a LEGAL, ETHICAL and MORAL standpoint we wouldn't use Myers-Brigg in the CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM --- and we really shouldn't be using DSM CATEGORIES either.

THAT IS HUGELY PROBLEMATIC --- But a Public Health Approach to Criminal Justice could sure help.